Friday, September 22, 2006

Getting The Most Out Of Our Children

So on the news they talked about some Clinton Initiative with Laura Bush also involved to put merry-go-round pumps in Africa to provide fresh water. Now as great as this is, it occurred to me it could be abused. "Hey kids, you want to go play on the merry-go-round some more.' "Not really, we're kind of tired of it. And we had to walk like 10 miles to school, so we'd kind of like to learn. Yeah, I want to become a doctor." "Are you a doctor right now?" "No." "Can you cure diseases caused by unclean drinking water?" "What? Of course not." "Well, get pumping, I mean, playing."

We need some of these merry-go-rounds outfitted with electric generators here in the US. Put our kids to work doing something productive for a change, instead of just wasting our tax money going to school to be baby sat. Our kids are a potential valuable energy source, a surplus of calories growing every day, waiting to be harvested. We can generate some electricity to increase supply and cut costs at schools, and to get them in shape. We should extend recess to generate more electricity. And it doesn't have to be limited to merry-go-rounds, we could put generators on exercise bikes, large hamster wheels (unless someone can figure out how to put one on a tread mill), in place of weights, maybe even rock climbing walls for when they repel down. We should cancel all school sports that can't generate electricity, and require every student to participate in those that do. It doesn't mean the end of competitive sports, they can compete for who can generate the most kilowatt-hours. It will be fun. And while were at it, get rid of school buses.

Another idea for exploiting children for their own benefit: You know those websites that you can go and pay to have papers written. Well, lets pay for education in third-world countries by having them write those essays. It's a win-win situation. A win for the children writing the essays, a win for the essay companies, and a win for the children who won't be left behind. First of all, these third-world children will get a great education since they have to be able to pass off as regular American English-speaking students. Actually, I take that back. They probably won't need that great of an education to pass themselves off as regular American students. They'll get access to computers, only because that's needed to type the essays and do research for them. Think about it, the business gets to undercut the competition's prices, increase it's profit margin, and be a good corporate global citizen. And it won't be plagiarism any longer, but rather outsourcing to compete in a competitive globalized world. Besides, our children's future jobs are already going to be outsourced anyways, so we might as well outsource their schoolwork to, its not like any education will ever be used. Make them like outsourcing when they're young, so that when they're old they won't mind their job being outsourced. (Now for the record, I only support this since these jobs already exist, and if overseas children who need an education don't do it, other people who are already educated will do it for more money.)

Who ever said child labor had to be a bad thing. If the children are, in addition to being productive in some way, being benefited themselves, then its okay. Sweat shops to make shoes are bad, sweat shops to write essays for lazy cheating students, good. Children playing and getting exercise while generating electricity, nothing wrong with that. Why waste our tax money which could be going towards a bigger rebate on education when children abroad and at home are perfectly capable of funding in part or whole their education.

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