An Ice Age Is Upon Us
There is only one explanation for this weather. Today, my friends, today is the day after tomorrow. Yes, I mean as in what happened in the movie, "The Day After Tomorrow." Hollywood was unfortunately right. We have been plunged by global warming into another ice age. At this time we should be evacuating everyone below a randomly drawn line on the map of the United States. Sorry folks up North, its too late to get you all out. If you go outside, you will freeze instantly.
Fortunately for the rest of us, this ice age came when it did. A few more years, and we would be trapped as I warned before, by our own impenetrable border fence, built to ironically to keep people out, but trapping us in. But there is hope, there are still many gaps we can slip through in the desert. And most importantly, the automated machine guns that could never be turned off (just like the Doomsday Machine in Dr. Strangelove) are not up and running yet.
But seriously, this weather goes to show, we will never be happy no matter what the weather is. With global warming, everyone complains its getting too hot. But when winter is like what its suppose to be, everyone complains its too cold. Since either way people are going to complain, why not err on the side of global warming? At least with global warming, the roads don't ice or snow over, pipes don't freeze, and traffic and water keeps on moving. We can always just burn more fossil fuels to provide more power for our air conditioners, at home, at work, and in the car. And you won't get hypothermia or frost bite, you might get heat stroke our heat exhaustion, but which is worse? Would you rather be a little sweaty or have your nose, ears, fingers, and toes freeze off. (Granted, in heat exhaustion you actually stop sweating and overheat and can die, but that's beside the point)
Besides, the only time people really want snow is when they're dreaming of a white Christmas anyways. Plus, living in a free market society, that just allows our entrepreneurial spirit to rise up and make snow a commodity and manufacture and sell it, and to please you Democrats, tax it. It's a win-win situation for the Republicans and the Democrats. Just think, you could go take your kids and play in the snow any day indoors, after forking down $50 per kid and for yourself to enter ArcticDisney, and paying $10 more per cup of hot cocoa, or for a Kleenex to blow your cold runny nose.
So everything considered, clearly the choice is obvious, global warming is the way to go. This Case For Global Warming is so cogent that you can not argue against it, and have to side with it. (Sounds like another blog in itself.) I honestly had no idea I would arrive at this conclusion, but not that I have, my hands are tied by my own logic.
Labels: border security, Congress, Democrats, Dr. Strangelove, free market society, global warming, Hollywood, ice age, Pelosi, Republicans, State of the Union, The Day After Tomorrow, traffic, weather