Tuesday, July 15, 2008

America For Sale

Yesterday, it was announced that Anheuser-Busch, maker of Budweiser beer, was being sold to the Belgian brewer InBev for $52 billion. This could mean major trouble for Americans who love their cheap, flavorless beer. Just think, a Budlight is now going to be considered an import, with import prices. And it will be more patriotic to drink microbrews than Budweiser. Superbowl ads in Belgish? (We're being bought by a country that isn't even large enough to have its own language.) What is the world coming to? We must retaliate against the Belgians by calling Belgium Waffles (can you guess it?) Freedom Waffles. Then again, maybe that's our problem, everything being free. After all, $52 billion isn't what it once was. It's just a measling 33 billion euros, practically free. America is on sale for bargain basement prices.

The selling of the America's "King of Beers" is symbolic of foreign capital coming in and buying American companies. Last week the Chrysler building in New York was sold to Abu Dhabi. Of course earlier this year Citigroup was bailed out by Middle Eastern investors. This raises the question should this trend be a concern to Americans?

First off, can we complain about foreign capital coming into America when Americans have long been and are investing in foreign countries? Is there anyway for us in the age our modern financial system to stop this? To do that would require we ban foreigners from buying stock in American companies, which even if it could be done would end up causing other countries to do the same to Americans. We would have to become xenophobes, recluses hiding out across the oceans.

Its important to keep in mind that these foreign countries are out to make money. They aren't going to buy up America, so that one day we'll wake up to see our city skylines destroyed not by bombs, but demolished by foreign owners. They aren't going to by companies and then dissolve them. They want to make money, just like America wants to make money, and that is to our advantage. We have a large national debt, too large in my opinion, held largely by foreign countries like China. Countries that are holding are debt aren't going to do anything that would cause us to default on our loans. If they did, they wouldn't get their money back that they loaned us. The whole world economy would come tumbling down after America.

Perhaps to get our economy out of the gutter we could, as a nation, pull an Enron. We'll just fudge the numbers a bit. All we have to do is print more money than we say we printed. Nations have tried to print their way out of poverty, which has only resulted in rampant inflation. But that's because people knew they were printing the money. If the rest of the world doesn't know we're printing more money that we then use to pay down our debt, buy back stakes in American companies, and maybe buy stakes in foreign companies, (we'll throw in some foreign aid to developing countries) no harm done. It would also be very unifying for the country. Committing fraud is very unifying, your team has to be on the same page, committed to secrecy. If one person gets a conscience, it's all over, and everyone hangs together. "United we stand, divided we fall." This could really bring red and blue America together. Just think of it as a loan off our future prosperity that will be achieved. After all, the American dollar is weak because its seen as weak, but if America is able to do all this the dollar will appear strong and thus be strong, allowing us to do all that we would have just did. It's like the give a penny take, take a penny tray at cash registers. We're just taking billions of weak pennies now because we're a little short, and giving them back as strong pennies. To put it another way, its a sub-prime loan helping poor America who can't afford its own home to get one. I'm going to put it out there to all you pessimists who think the government isn't doing enough that maybe they are already doing this plan and the economy is going to improve, they just couldn't tell you because you would spill the beans on your blog to the whole world. Keep that in mind when you go to vote for president. If this plan is in place, McCain knows about it, Obama doesn't. You don't want to risk ruining that, do you? If Obama can be a secret Muslim, then McCain can have a secret plan for fixing the economy.

So you have a conscience and don't want to go through with the secret plan. There's an upside to the declining dollar. Our $9.5 billion national debt becomes a mere 6 billion euro national debt. Now is the time to pay off our national debt. Obviously, we can't use our tax money to pay this off since that tax is collected in dollars, which would defeat the point. Solution eBay. If we start selling items in Europe on eBay we will have a source of Euros. But we must act now, before the dollar becomes strong again and is coronated the King of Currencies once again, ushering in a reign of prosperity, another golden age for America.

2 Comments:

Blogger Gregarious said...

Stroke of genius. We should print off Euros instead of dollars, that way if word does get out it would be the Euro that inflates, not the dollar. Thus, even if a European discovers what America is doing, they wouldn't say anything because they don't want their currency to suffer.

Tue Jul 15, 01:03:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Ben Jones said...

better idea: drink more miller

Wed Jul 16, 12:19:00 PM EDT  

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