Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Red Tuesday: Surviving the Chaos

Yesterday, if you've read the paper, watched TV, or been online, (You're probably online right now.) you're aware that yesterday the stock market took a massive plunge. Over 3% across the board, i.e. the NASDAQ, the Dow, and the S & P. (China dropped 9%, which helped trigger this decline worldwide.) Yesterday, being called Red Tuesday by me, (Red because there's already a Black Tuesday, and because unlike in 1929 the world is in color and so negative numbers show up in the red on financial spreadsheets) was only the beginning of it. Clearly, we are entering a second Great Depression. (GD II) Unfortunately, the name Great Depression is taken, so let's pick a synonym and make it the Terrific Depression. Although I guess technically its not a depression, so the Terrific Recession. Then again, I believe technically it is not a recession either, so the Terrific Economic Slow Down. (TESD)

Don't panic. If you take my advice you just may get through this with more than the skin of your teeth. So the first thing you should do is PANIC! We're about to enter the second Great Depression, or Terrific Economic Slow Down if you prefer, why shouldn't you be worried?! You know what this means. People are going to lose their jobs, banks are going to close their doors while demanding people immediately repay the full balance on their loans, people are going to lose their homes and be living in Bushdads, (like Hoovervilles.) and the like. You could lose everything. Panicked yet?

Second, you must prepare yourself for the worse case scenario. Go out right now and while your money can be used for more than just toilet paper, go buy some comfortable shoes that you can wear while standing in the soup line for hours. Don't forget a couple of good pairs of socks. While you're at it buy a warm jacket. Also pick up a nice tent and a van to live in and drive around in finding free WiFi. Is the Internet really a necessity? (Do you truly remember the time before the Internet? I thought not. How do you think you'll live without it, much less this blog?) Also, pick up a gun. If you're forced into looting (which is a legitimate response in an emergency situation) for necessities like HDTVs or stealing (which is wrong) for food, you want to be able to protect yourself. In the words of the second amendment, you are your own well-regulated militia, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. (If they do, you can just shoot them.)

Hopefully the worse case scenario won't happen, if you take the right measures now. So third, sell all your investments and clear out your bank account right now. You have to put your wealth in something that will protect it. In the Great Depression in Germany inflation was so bad people's whole life savings couldn't even buy a loaf of bread. You don't want that to happen to you. (Unless you're on the Atkins diet.) At first I would say gold. And yes, gold would be better than pieces of soon to be worthless paper. But if you think about it, what good is gold in the state of total anarchy that is breaking out as we speak? You can't eat it. Is somebody going to trade a loaf of bread for a bar of worthless gold? (Probably. Although it's a trick question. If you remember, nobody can afford a loaf of bread, so hows anyone going to have one to trade?) If you wear it the only good its going to do is get a gun stuck in your face. The only thing you'll be able to use it for is to hit someone in self defense (or offense, in a state of emergency any thing goes.) I'd advise something that won't only lose value, but will keep gaining value. What is that? Oil. The stock market went down 3% yesterday, the price of gas at the pump went up 20 cents today. Oil is a sure bet. (Disclaimer: In investing there are potential gains and risks. You must carefully weigh and balance how much gain you want and risk you are willing to accept. You should consult your financial advisor. This information is only one possible suggestion. This blog nor associated bloggers assume no liability for any loss either directly or indirectly from taking or rejecting any advice on this blog, to the legal limit as allowed by state law, except for in the state of California and Maryland. If any parts of this agreement are found unenforceable, that will not void the other parts of this agreement. By reading this you have accepted this agreement.) Although you could buy more crude oil for your buck, I'd go with gasoline, just in case all the refineries shut down, so you'll still be able to use it. If you want to diversify, go with regular, premium, and diesel. This is going to be a lot of oil, more than you can use. But you can barter with it. Just because Americans have lost their homes doesn't mean they're driving any less. (Are we savages? God gave us legs for a reason, to drive.) On the contrary, they're going to need an even bigger SUV to live in.

Now some might say this is overreaction. That what happened yesterday was just a "correction," as the economists put it, that was due after such record increases. I bet that's what the economists were saying on Black Thursday back in 1929 after the booming '20s. Well I've got news for you, that correction lasted ten years. And whats with this term "correction" anyways? It makes it sound like its some planned event. Do all the major stockbrokers get together and plan it out? "Okay. On February 27 we're going to have a correction. So everyone sell your stock. And remember, keep America in the dark. If word gets out this correction will happen not on our terms, and we'll lose our money, instead of their money." Quite frankly, sometimes I feel economists are just making this up, that its all smoke and mirrors. Ask two economists what they think, and you'll get two different answers. If you think about it, we might as well just let our economy depend on handicapping horse races as much as betting on how other people will bet on stocks, which may be disconnected from the reality of the companies of which they are shares.

So clearly, this is not a overreaction put a perfectly reasoned, pragmatic response. Take this advice, and you will surely survive the Terrific Economic Slow Down. Choose to ignore it, then best of luck to you. And if you find yourself stuck with more gasoline than you can use, let me know and I'd gladly take some off your hand, I need to fill up anyways.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The World Is Neither Black & White, Nor Shades of Grey

So, it has come to my attention that these past few weeks that there is much talk about Obama's "race." As I watched the Colbert Report last week, he had on the author of "The End of Blackness," Debra Dickenson, herself a black" lady. She said that "black" is "the descendent of West African slaves brought here to labor in the United States." She called Obama not an "African-American," but a "African-African-American." So we discover that the world is not Black & White, but Black, White, and African-African-American. And this story showed up on the nightly news later on, further grabbing my attention.

First of all, this is good news for Joe Biden. Biden got himself in trouble by saying Obama was the "the first mainstream African-American who’s articulate, bright and clean and a nice-looking guy" candidate. Clearly he didn't mean Black, but rather a African who is an American, shortened to African & American, or better put, African American, and not African-American. There have been plenty of African-American presidential candidates, like Jesse Jackson, or Al Sharpton, but Obama is the first African American presidential candidate. The hyphen is the key. It just accidentally got added in the transcript, causing this whole debacle. So Biden is exonerated.

This seems to me both absurd, and quite frankly, racist in itself. "African-African-American?" If anything, I would think the term African-American would be more aptly applied to Obama than someone who's family has lived in America so long. Do you here term European-American as a race? I think not. And going further, is nationality race? No, not that it matters. But anyways, if you would vote for someone if they are an "African-American," but not a "African-African-American," then I would think that would make you as much a racist as one who would vote for a candidate if they were white versus if they were black. Indeed, the degree that you have to split hairs over these supposed races of African-American versus African African-American would make one more of a racist then if you simply used a few basic racial categories to separate people.

The presidential race shouldn't be about race, but about class. Rich people can become president, black or white or black-black-white or men or women, etc, but not poor whites and blacks and poor men and poor women. How much money someone has is what truly matters when voting for someone, not race or gender. Just see the post, for a discussion on why the rich should lead our country, and not the poor.

But seriously, I want to propose a novel idea, judging candidates by their ideas, character, experience, etc., and not their race or gender. Perhaps you could even say, judging them based upon the content of their character, and not the color of their skin. Or is that dream too lofty? To not vote for someone because of their race or gender is racist or sexist. But to vote for someone because of their race, or gender, whether that be black or female, is just as racist, or sexist, as with the latter case. Affirmative action has no place in deciding our president, their is simply too much at stake. Whether Obama is or isn't "black" doesn't matter either way. What matters is who is the best candidate for the job.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

An Ice Age Is Upon Us

Well folks, its been quite a while since I blogged. So much has happened, the Democrats took over and we await in fear the guillotine to be resurrected, Bush announced more troops were going to Iraq, Bush gave the State of the Union address (missed out on some good blogging there, e.g. the most Americans have seen Pelosi is while she was sitting behind President Bush; or that Bush could have fulfilled his constitutional requirement to "from time to time give to Congress Information of the State of the Union," by sending Congress a mass e-mail) What should wake me up is not any of that though, but the cold that has gripped much of our nation. Mainly because if I slept any longer in this cold I would never wake up. I thought I would have to tear apart Bush's proposed budget and use the paper as insulation to keep me warm.

There is only one explanation for this weather. Today, my friends, today is the day after tomorrow. Yes, I mean as in what happened in the movie, "The Day After Tomorrow." Hollywood was unfortunately right. We have been plunged by global warming into another ice age. At this time we should be evacuating everyone below a randomly drawn line on the map of the United States. Sorry folks up North, its too late to get you all out. If you go outside, you will freeze instantly.

Fortunately for the rest of us, this ice age came when it did. A few more years, and we would be trapped as I warned before, by our own impenetrable border fence, built to ironically to keep people out, but trapping us in. But there is hope, there are still many gaps we can slip through in the desert. And most importantly, the automated machine guns that could never be turned off (just like the Doomsday Machine in Dr. Strangelove) are not up and running yet.

But seriously, this weather goes to show, we will never be happy no matter what the weather is. With global warming, everyone complains its getting too hot. But when winter is like what its suppose to be, everyone complains its too cold. Since either way people are going to complain, why not err on the side of global warming? At least with global warming, the roads don't ice or snow over, pipes don't freeze, and traffic and water keeps on moving. We can always just burn more fossil fuels to provide more power for our air conditioners, at home, at work, and in the car. And you won't get hypothermia or frost bite, you might get heat stroke our heat exhaustion, but which is worse? Would you rather be a little sweaty or have your nose, ears, fingers, and toes freeze off. (Granted, in heat exhaustion you actually stop sweating and overheat and can die, but that's beside the point)

Besides, the only time people really want snow is when they're dreaming of a white Christmas anyways. Plus, living in a free market society, that just allows our entrepreneurial spirit to rise up and make snow a commodity and manufacture and sell it, and to please you Democrats, tax it. It's a win-win situation for the Republicans and the Democrats. Just think, you could go take your kids and play in the snow any day indoors, after forking down $50 per kid and for yourself to enter ArcticDisney, and paying $10 more per cup of hot cocoa, or for a Kleenex to blow your cold runny nose.

So everything considered, clearly the choice is obvious, global warming is the way to go. This Case For Global Warming is so cogent that you can not argue against it, and have to side with it. (Sounds like another blog in itself.) I honestly had no idea I would arrive at this conclusion, but not that I have, my hands are tied by my own logic.

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